....:::::......

I just realized that even if he kisses me, even if he makes me laugh...I will after want more! cause that's the way it is!  I use to love the way he pronounced two words..now i need more than words! i need him to make me laugh to give me what i know that there!

I use to like lots of things about the people i use to like now i ask myself 

????

now, .... Now I want more ! i want more of him ! of her.. but then there are people that i don't care if I get little of cause i love them even though!! It use to be the same way with him  but not anymore! ..... lets see what happens....

Misunderstanding

of 

relationships &

emotions

LESS

EMOTION

SAME

SUFFERING

Whats weird is that with all that I've found out about the people that where in my life...Im in a really  good place in my life now! its amazing.....hum hum tum tum

 

LIES.. TRUTH

..truly, to tell lies is not honorable;

but when the truth entails tremendous ruin,

to speak dishonorably is pardonable

(Sophocles)

What is a lie? is a lie a lie when  you know that if you say the truth you'll get into a big argument about why your truth aint the truth...or is the truth a lie?  my truth is not the same then yours .... I hate that when you say your truth you have toback it up with something... its like research papers! Mrs Estevez says Karen! (thats how she calls me) you have to show me a source a proof...isnt it enough that its my truth my proof..who is this  other person.... we both  have the same head, the same nose, the same two eyes!...hummmm.. 

ME..

i have applied this new thing.... if someone wants to argue about  something i really dont wanna argue about i say ohh yeah ! cause each person their own truth...even the bible is full of peoples truth... even Nichiren Daishonin  know one really knows when he decided about the lotus sutra! we chose to believe what we want... each person their own lie  each person their own truth  and because of this we all  have the right to be pissed off because of the lie someone else tells us but maybe its his/her truth! .....

Whats your lie? whats your truth?

freedom

Every day...

I try.... to  like, do something to feel free...it is not as if I have been locked up in a castle!!! waitng for prince charming to save me well sometimes it does feel that way!!... but fell free from my  mind...... hard thing to run away from!  freedom of mind! mmm 

BTW marines thank you for all you do for USA even though we have no idea for what your fighting for lets all hope that its for freedom..  nunca menospreciare lo que hace un marine por su patria without asking why! just to serve their country :D

Its  funy how... you haveeee so much  to say in one point of your life to and then one day you have nothing to say in another point of your life!! its like when you  were a kid you loved blue berries ...ate them so much that now  that your older you  dont like them anymore! HUMM weird very weird!

SO ive got blue berries.... little by little more blueberries by the minute!

The glass is broken

The glass is broken! 

I use to cry for love and men ..now I cry for human beings.... when the glass breaks there's no way to pick up the pieces and make it new again. 

When the night appears there's no way to go back to the day.... My  glass is broke im in the process of getting a new one... I know that when i pop that glass there's a blue sky waiting for me...... Or do i have to just live with the broken glass and deal with the bits and pieces... who knows ... time will say.... as I have been experiencing the past few days... you cant separate  the fish from the water... some people you cant separate the peanut-butter without the jam..... its the way it goes ....

 I have learned my lesson... when you start a relationship any type good bad or different.. if you dont put your boundaries from the begining your doomed!

 cause then its too late to put them.

 10 years down the road you just cant say" hey well hold on the glass is shattering, this ain't working no more.. this way of behaving towards me ain't cool, or you gotta me cooler towards... or i dont like how you call my cat! I love the way  it feels when your not near".... nonono  it does not work that way....

So then I went to watch a baseball game and well you know "TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME  TAKE ME OUT TO THE CROWD BY ME SOME PEANUTS AND CRACKER JACKS I DONT CARE IF I NEVER GET BACK CAUSE IT ROOT ROOT FOR THE HOME TEAM  IF THEY DONT WIN ITS A SHAME CAUSE ITS ONE TWO THREE STRIKES YOUR OUT IN THE OLD BALL GAME!"  

well yeah same thing with life and relationships people strike one  two three  even  four and twenty times!!  but the point is when your heart cant take it no more! its like the third strike YOUR OUT!!!  and the  crowd  frowns and boo's .. . and well i guess your mind and body does the same thing..

. but you know its best...

 and well it takes two to tango! your fault, their fault.. both people's fault... the point is that the glass is getting to the point its cracked... and its about to slip! and KABOOM gone with the wind!  

and well its just the way it goes! when a person stops offering the smiles to your life, the tingles to your stomach, the joy to the next chapter of the adventure, The happiness to the drum of your heart, or just the positiveness to your energy... stop accomplishing the purpose to a life as valuable of theirs and yours!

 you know  theirs not gonna be home run! 

After talking and moaning and analyzing and nothing of the nothingness is changing  well you know .. You cant talk your way out of something that you behaved into, you have to behave you way out of it.!  its just the way it  goes.... 

its just the way the glass shatters! 

Dogs never bite me. Just humans

I found this i thought it was so fucking funny! jajajajaj 

numb

the bigger the explanation the bigger the lie! the quieter you become the more you can hear....

I have started to talk within myself.. i have started to not say what I think and just think... I have started to analyze they whys of what is said and well I have become numb and open hearted with other things.... I now understood what i did wrong by doing right and so on... love someone with all your heart and prepare yourself to see them walk away.... give your friends your soul and prepare yourself cause they will analyze your mind... its the way it works..it's human nature.. 

Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what other think you are.

John wooden

WHat I have been learning about Buddhism

....All life is inderdependent and  regarding one self as a separate is an illusion.. Frustration is the inevitable result of trying to cling on to things to try to make them stay the same. Life is changing constantly....

Now I  completley agree on this 100% I  have been frustrated  because  of lots of things because of high school not going on  for ever!  because I out grew my life in colombia... Because i did not love the same.. because i dont laugh about the same jokes.... I get frustrated becaus epeople  become more boring or to crazy or stop being who they are.... and now i said STOP!

i wont be frustrated ill let life lead the way and ill follow......

nothings changes but it does !

Its funny how you go through life  saying  

nothing is changing  its always the same shit

 and then  when you look back you think  OHH GOD  .....how things change...

everything is so different....